Claire

I have been looking at this photo for days. I'm not exactly sure why. I spend hours looking through hundreds of headshots, fashion photography, editorials, movie stills, etc. Millions of beautiful women. Why does this one matter?
She's beautiful. The coloring of the photo only highlights her golden hair and gorgeous eyes and perfect skin. She seems so secure, so mildly determined. Not afraid. But maybe...I'm not sure. I'm really not sure.
She's Claire Forlani, pretty much only famous for her movie with Brad Pitt, Meet Joe Black. I tried to find you a movie clip from the film that nearly made me cry, but its not to be found on youtube. I'll keep trying. Interestingly enough, I think if you cross Brad's ex Jennifer Aniston with his present-day woman Angelina Jolie, you'd get a girl identical to this photo. Isn't that bizarre?

Maybe I'm fascinated because she doesn't look anything like me. Or anybody else. She has her own brand of beauty. Maybe i'm just used to all the wild, art-freak fashion shots and this full face direct headshot caught me by surprise.

Beauty. it matters so much to me. What if i wasn't beautiful? How would I feel? What if every time I passed a mirror, I felt shame? how do people live who feel this? why does it matter? How have I taken such a fleeting, i-can't-take-any-credit-for-it lucky strike and blown it up to such huge proportions?

My sister hates the idea of getting old. she wants to die at 50. She hates the idea of getting ugly, of her perfection becoming decrepit. So do I, but somehow I acknowledge that's what happens. That's life. Why is it this way? Why are we so drawn to the golden gorgeousness of Claire Forlani, even though we all know she had nothing to do with it, and she could be a witch?

No answers. But i'm still staring, guilty for the obsession, but uncontrollably mesmerized, into her pretty eyes.