Already making it hard for me.

first day of classes.
sitting on the sofa behind the stage.
i was not sitting next to him.
but he jammed his hand between the sofa and the guy in the middle of us, and grabbed my hand.
i don't know why.
but i didn't say a word.
and ran my fingers across his knuckles.

flashes hot and cold

There are certain women I'm with where males are the basic subject of a conversation, where you are only truly interesting if you have a man you can feel passion for. Whether he cares for you back, doesn't know you exist, or is in love with your best friend; it doesn't matter-the ultimate care you have for this being is what the other women cheer you on for, cry with you about. bond with you. A woman's romantic relationship-there lies her corest emotions.

There are other women who flip their hair dispassionately at the merest mention of romantic interest. They have other things on their minds-themselves, predominately-and would rather discuss components of their personal personality. Likes, dislikes, travels, arts choices and life philosophies are the chosen discussion boards for these women. A man is irrational, burdensome, and immature. Liking one makes you just a little weak and foolish, they wouldn't say it; but that look comes into their eyes.

Being a woman, and thus being a cat, I sulk my way through these contrasts. My "And when he hugged me hello, I hope he didn't feel me tremble!" can turn into "He's a cool guy, I like discussion literature choices with him." And in both situations, as the girls eagerly await a chance to say, "me too! EXACTLY!" I know my part and play it, feeling every inch the strongest in both situations.

Funny thing is, it never occurred to me I do this until exactly...now.

At least you can make a scene in secret

I can't even embed this but its worth posting anyway because its so marvelously accurate of...well of everybody who feels alone!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0D0zfB1l1x0