i should be really over talking about this but

So I knew I was more than just amused when I kept dreaming about him. Fuzzy, messy, plotless dreams that all I was aware of was he was with me. But it was a great feeling and I couldn't wait to go back to sleep and dream about him again.

I know I can't, but I will try, to explain just what it is I'm so stupidly attracted to. Its his balance of a heartless-opinionated-egotistical with a tender-vulnerable-open-confused. So many men have one, but I haven't met one that has such a raw and obvious combination.
He'll tell you something is ugly, or announce "I don't like that kid. He's rude." (I always agree with his reviews of people, they are flatly accurate). And then he'll catch you by surprise by saying darling or wishing he could do the shuffle-step part of the tap routine.
He's a talented actor, he loves music, but doesn't carry himself with the heady dreamy silly "i'm artsy" that I can't stand.

What else, I won't deny, he touches me. Not just me-he leans on everyone. And they all seem to be used to it. But I'm not. So it catches me by surprise when. He sits on my lap, leans against me in a doorway, lifts me up and carries me along the hall for no reason. We went to a party and saw a movie; he sat behind me and I leaned against his chest. We went to a restaurant that had a bench seat, he laid in my lap.
I love the way he grabs my hair, like he has some right to it.

And all the complications of the man swirl so blatantly and i really like it.

But don't worry, I know. Its still oh well.

more than oh well

I thought it was going to be oh well because it has to be oh well, and it is oh well, except for i'm much more unsatisfied by that then I thought I'd be. I saw him yesterday for the last time until school starts again, and that's one month too long.

I haven't been interested in a guy since a sophomore in highschool. Every guy so far has been ratty, slimey, boary, sluggish, or too aggressive.

And when I'm finally excited about someone he's an overweight, brusque bisexual from community college.

you've GOT to be kidding me.